All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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