So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
