Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
