I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
