I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
