Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
