I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize