I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
