I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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