remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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