If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
