I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
