i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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