How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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