After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
