true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
