you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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