Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
