u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
