I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
