Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
