Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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