Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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