But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
