She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
