Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
