My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
