Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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