you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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