so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
