do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize