Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
