i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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