I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
