Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
