I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My feet surprised me
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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