trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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