I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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