Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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