I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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