2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
