Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
