You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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