As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
