There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
