her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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