I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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