BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
