we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
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