I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Pooping to opera.
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