Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
