dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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