my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
