I have demons in me.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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