I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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