in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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