idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
