This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize