just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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