so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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