I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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