so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
