I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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