You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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