Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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