Duck Duck Cougar?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
