first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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