Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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