Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
