I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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