Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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