the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
