I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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