Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
