Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
