You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize