so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
