WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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