I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
