therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You can't just leave with hair like that
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
