there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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