I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
