Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
